The child within is ripping me a new one apparently...

So, I had a conversation with the counselor tonight... I started out hesitant, but then kinda let a bit loose on him... Fun, right?

The just of his response after I layed out the past physical abuse my mother went through repetatively when I was a child due to her ex-bf's drunken rages, the one's I'd have to repetatively call 911 on and eventually witnessed him (after they broke up) burning down my old home (we'd moved out by this point, long ago) trying to kill himself and his dog within it....

The wall I throw up, my lack of ability to confront issues, even my lack of ability to address something as wrongly given change or the wrong brand of soda (I'll just take what I'm given basically and just nod and smile... it's not worth the confrontation in my eyes).. This is apparently all small portions of my inner child protecting me (yes, I know this sounds like such a funny psychology type cliche, it made me giggle a little here and there)...  This wall flys up to guard me from confrontation because my inner-child is in fear that it's gonna get really bad, so I then shut down and call it quits on the subject to prevent anything bad...  Makes sense, strangely enough.  My anxiety is caused by this as well - and an odd thought of the moment is that this is just a prime example how doctors treat symptoms, not the real problem (I'd been given ativan for my anxiety... the underlying issue never got treated). 

Now my "assignment" is to note every time I avoid confrontation... Ever.Single.Time.  Wish me luck?  Perhaps I'll blog my daily discoveries...